Conversing, but not in the sneaker sort of way
by TaciturnDancer
Summary: Holly J wonders when Fiona began to develop feelings for her, leading to a lengthly talk.


**Summary: Holly J wonders when Fiona began to develop feelings for her, leading to a lengthly talk.**

**Disclaimer: The usual. I don't own anything, blah, blah, blah, Yada, yada, Ect.**

**A/N: Just a simple little story. Not even a story, really. Just a conversation between Fiona and Holly J set sometime between S10 and S11.**

* * *

><p>"So."<p>

"So?"

"How long?"

"Since what?"

"You know what."

"Well, yeah I know what but what about what?"

"Ok, I'm lost."

"What are you asking about, specifically? I know you're asking about my feelings for you, but could you go into detail? Like how long since I was attracted to you, or developed feelings, or knew, or whatever else."

"Oh, well, when were you first… attracted… to me I guess. I don't know, everything really."

"This is extremely awkward for you to ask, isn't it?"

"Kind of."

"Then why are you asking?"

"Because… I want to know. And it may be a tad awkward now, but I really do want to know details."

"Fine. Well, you know the day me and Declan first came to Degrassi?"

"Of course, you two made quite the first impression. Or… Declan did, you're kind of…"

"Quiet at first, I know. Well anyways, I'd be lying if I didn't say that day. I'm not saying it was some love-at-first-sight romantic comedy kind of deal, but I was attracted to you straight off the bat. After that it didn't take long for me to form a crush from a distance. It was pretty quickly repressed though, or at least I convinced myself it was just platonic admiration for another girl in power that knew what she wanted and how to get it."

"Gonna interrupt you for a second. So the thing with Riley…?"

"The most epic bearding of the century. Ironic that I told him you couldn't cure gay when that was pretty much what I was trying to do at that point. Just in a less straight-forwards manner than going through "anti-gay" therapy."

"Riley really went to that extreme? He must have really hated himself."

"That's what I said, then he called me a bitch."

"I remember that! I glared daggers at him for days."

"Well gee, thanks for that I guess. Anyways, between the drama going on there and with pretty much being completely alone at Degrassi, things got… complicated. After Declan started taking an interest in you, and had me dig up information, that's when I really started falling hard. Despite how different you were, I was… intrigued, to say the least. I really did want to get to know you better, maybe even become friends, but I didn't really know where to start. I'm not sure if you've noticed over the past year, but making friends doesn't exactly come easy to me. Declan's always been the charismatic and ambitious one, I'm content to sit on the sidelines and watch, draw my own conclusions. In that way I'm more of a planner than Declan. I see, I plan, I take, I have. That mantra obviously came into play last summer. As you've probably guessed, that whole drama-fest wasn't purely created because I felt alone and you were taking Declan away from me. I was so… strung out that summer. Maybe all that pent up emotional turmoil is why my mantra didn't work to it's usual effectiveness, because I didn't really know what I wanted. I wanted Declan to pay attention to me one minute, I just didn't want to be alone the next, then I wanted to try and be friends with you… which is where things went south. Holly J, I really did want to help you during that internship. I thought that if you impressed Kristen, things would look up and be easier for you in the future. I figured that trumped some stupid opera date, so I gave you the research."

"And you took my ticket instead of helping me…?"

"Is it really that hard to believe I like getting my money's worth, Holly J? I wasn't about to let a good ticket go to complete waste. Besides, I knew you had it covered. I had faith in you. Anyways, but that's when things went wrong. I was running on so little sleep; did you know since we had gotten to New York, I had maybe gotten a good 6 hours of sleep in total? Insomnia rampant, I'm telling you. So I was irritable and crabby and at that moment you were both everyone I wanted to be, everything I hated in others and myself, and everything I wanted in a boy. Well… girl, now that I've figured out my sexuality, obviously. So that's why I was such a bitch to you, combined with the fact Declan still seemed to be ignoring me. Even when you weren't around! And then you locked me in that room… and Holly J, it hurt. It hurt so damn much. I was so confused, one second I was worshipping the ground you walked on and we were tolerating each other, and the next I despised you and you were a bitch to me. When I finally got out of that room, I was even more confused than I had been at the beginning of the vacation. All I knew is that I missed Declan actually, legitimately paying attention to me, not just cause he had to; that being around you hurt me almost as much as not being around you did; and that it was better for you to be heartbroken and terrified of the Coynes than for you to be with Declan."

"Thus the crazy behaviour and the twincest kiss."

"Pretty much. Once again, my already failing plan failed even more though, due to the wonder of 'in vino verities'. Basically, drunk Fiona equals Fiona that can't keep her eyes off of her brother's girlfriend's chest, and her arm from around her shoulder. It completely sucked, Holly J. And believe it or not, it got even worse this year, when we were actually best friends. Like I said, it hurts when you're around me, Holly J. But now not as much as not being around you. Heck, I'm pretty sure if I had just a little less self-control I would have jumped your bones long ago. Well, before the Bobby trial anyways. Which I never real got the chance to apologize for."

"It's alright, Fi. I just can't believe all this time I didn't notice _something_. But… Hm…"

"Now it's my turn to say it. What?"

"I was just wondering. Last year, when you took my latte…"

"I was just thirsty. I'm not that pathetic. …yet."

"Well that's good I guess, since I gotta say, the alternative is kinda creepy."

"Now then, I'd hate to creep you out when we were finally getting to a stage that's not completely horrible for us both."

"Hey! Is crushing on me really that bad?"

"Yeah. Especially when it's not really as simple as a crush… I'm not sure if there's a person alive that could _just_ have a crush on you."

"You Coynes, such charmers."

"I'd hate to let down the family legacy of charmfulness."

"Is that even a word?"

"Doubtful, but it's being used anyhow."

"Your poor English teacher must be a sobbing wreck by now."

"Hey!"

"It's only the truth. So, want to go to The Dot for some coffee now?"

"Why not? My treat. I owe you one, anyways."


End file.
